There will be a school board meeting Monday at 7 o’clock to decide if junior Jim Stack can break school dress code to grow and eventually donate his hair to Lock of Love.
“The best way I could help would be to grow my hair long and donate it to the group as a wig.” the president of Locks of Love, Gisel Roco said.
Given his advice from Roco, Stack decided to grow his hair to 10 inches, which would exceed the school dress limit of hair being shorter than the collar for boys.
“I was disappointed when Mrs. King turned my request down.” Stack said.
Locks of Love receive 200 requests per month, but have to turn down 150.
“I won’t be hurting anyone when my hair gets longer, I even agreed to tuck it into my shirt so it won’t be that noticeable.” Stack said.
The student council wrote a letter in favor of Stacks goal, saying that 150 more students would join Stacks cause, 78 signees males.
“After I reach my goal of 10 inches, I hope I can inspire more people in the town to grow their hair and donate it.”
Stacks sister recieved a wig from Locks of Love when she lost her hair to chemotherapy treatments.
“I know about Jim’s sister and am glad she’s doing well, but I can’t bend the rules for one student.” King said.
The first correction you need to make is in your first quote it should be “Stack said.” (Without the quotations)The president of Locks of Love did not say that.
The second correction needed to be made is that you need to change your fourth quote. The one you chose doesn’t really go with the transition above it.
The third correction needed to be made is your fourth transition is more of an opinion than a fact.
Good Things:
1: Your lead in is good, you just might need to shorten it a little bit
2: You had a good variety of quotes.
3: Your story was organized the right way.
Good Things
1) I liked your lead in
2) You wrote the story in the right format
3) You had good quotes
Bad Things
1) You have some opinions
2) Your lead in could be shortened a little bit
3) This story is a little biased but it’s hard not to be